I've been feeling very introverted lately, so I apologize for the lack of blog posts as of late. Those of you who know me well know that I take life more seriously than I should, especially for a person my age. I've always been this way and it's probably a trait that will stick with me.
During these times deep thought I tend to think about the world. I reflect on current events and where the future may lead us. I worry that the economy will never improve, and that the country will never be as care-free as I remember it being before September 11, 2001. We have been in a 10-year grieving process.
Our soldiers have been a major topic in my mind lately. The recent movie I just watched, "Brothers", has only strengthened my respect for our soldiers. I can't help but think about how true to life that movie is. The events that occurred in the movie DO happen. We don't hear about them, which I'm not even sure if we should, but they are real.
My dad was a Vietnam veteran. He didn't talk about his experience much, which is understandable. I didn't ask a lot of questions, but sometimes I wish I had...but was it any of my business? He was basically just a kid when he went to war. I will never know what he saw or what he did, but I do know that chapter of his life affected him negatively for the rest of his life. In fact, his time in Vietnam is partially responsible for his death just two and a half years ago.
These have been very scary times in America, and the world for that matter. For the last ten years I haven't watched a plane fly overhead without getting nervous, especially when they are flying low as they so often do (living so close to a military base has it's disadvantages). Public transportation makes me uneasy. Large gatherings make me feel panicky. Unattended bags make me fearful.
Even with all this fear that we live with everyday, I still feel safe. There are heroes protecting us, doing their best to keep us safe.
I feel so terribly sad knowing of all those who have lost their lives to protect us. I feel so sad for the innocent people in the countries we have been at war with that have lost their lives as well.
I know that this country will never be the same again. We are damaged and struggling for air. We cannot afford to live. But we will survive.
These are the types of things I think about when I'm so quiet. Not all the time, but a good portion. I'm a lot like my dad in that I'm an observer. A listener. I take what I see and hear and I process it. I formulate ideas and opinions, and you may never hear them.
I have learned to love this about myself.
Introverts are an interesting people. I'm happy to be one of them.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Sentimental
For just over 19 years I have had the greatest little sister. She is everything I have ever wanted to be and has (directly/indirectly) taught me a lot about myself and life. She is someone who listens when I cry; who laughs when I demand attention.
Being eight years older, I was already out of the house by the time she was 10 years old. I pretty much missed her teenage years, which (depending how you look at it) can be a good or bad thing :D As I've grown older I've tried to set a good example for her, as I'm sure I failed miserably at that when I was 18-21. I've given her sound advice about serious issues and hopefully I've taught her a thing or two.
We certainly have been through a lot together. Lots of laughter and tears. Happiness and pain. Love and loss. I never felt that we were particularly close, as some sisters are, but I think a lot of it has to do with the age difference. Like I said, I was already gone before she was even in 6th grade. Though as we've both grown older, we've become as close as I wish we had always been. And so...
When life hands you lemons you make lemonade:
My little sister is moving to Aberdeen.
Okay, so it's not a million miles away. Only about an hour. But still, we've never lived more than 20 minutes away from each other. And that's fact.
I feel like I won't get to see her very often. I'm afraid we will grow apart. I'm afraid I won't be able to help her if/when she needs me. Am I worrying too much? Of course I am. That's what I do. I'm the worrier. She manages to find her pants (she knows what I mean <3) without me.
I have always told myself to keep in touch with people and never take anyone for granted. This is something that I have recently started to get serious about. It is always an on-going process for me because I often become lost in my own little world and serious thought. I am one of the most serious people I know and often that gets the best of me. Sometimes I have forgotten my own rule and it's bitten me in the behind. I cannot let this happen again.
Keep in touch with the outside world and everyone in it.
I'm really going to miss her. I know we'll be talking all the time through various technological outlets, but she will still be an hour away.
"Someone needs a huuug!"
Here's to you, Loolee: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzo0iHrivVQ
I love you!
Being eight years older, I was already out of the house by the time she was 10 years old. I pretty much missed her teenage years, which (depending how you look at it) can be a good or bad thing :D As I've grown older I've tried to set a good example for her, as I'm sure I failed miserably at that when I was 18-21. I've given her sound advice about serious issues and hopefully I've taught her a thing or two.
We certainly have been through a lot together. Lots of laughter and tears. Happiness and pain. Love and loss. I never felt that we were particularly close, as some sisters are, but I think a lot of it has to do with the age difference. Like I said, I was already gone before she was even in 6th grade. Though as we've both grown older, we've become as close as I wish we had always been. And so...
When life hands you lemons you make lemonade:
My little sister is moving to Aberdeen.
Okay, so it's not a million miles away. Only about an hour. But still, we've never lived more than 20 minutes away from each other. And that's fact.
I feel like I won't get to see her very often. I'm afraid we will grow apart. I'm afraid I won't be able to help her if/when she needs me. Am I worrying too much? Of course I am. That's what I do. I'm the worrier. She manages to find her pants (she knows what I mean <3) without me.
I have always told myself to keep in touch with people and never take anyone for granted. This is something that I have recently started to get serious about. It is always an on-going process for me because I often become lost in my own little world and serious thought. I am one of the most serious people I know and often that gets the best of me. Sometimes I have forgotten my own rule and it's bitten me in the behind. I cannot let this happen again.
Keep in touch with the outside world and everyone in it.
I'm really going to miss her. I know we'll be talking all the time through various technological outlets, but she will still be an hour away.
"Someone needs a huuug!"
Here's to you, Loolee: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzo0iHrivVQ
I love you!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The World on Her Shoulders
I am happier these days. I have become less cynical, more open with strangers, and generally more happy. I try my best not to let others get under my skin. I am more apt to give people the benefit of the doubt. I find myself assuming less that a person wants something for nothing. I do not know if anyone can see these changes in me on the outside, but I definitely feel them inside.
I am not always so carefree. I am a serious person; always have been. I tend to carry the world on my shoulders, my heart on my sleeve. I am emotional (not always such the negative cliché it is made out to be) and passionate. Sometimes I'm selfish. Sometimes...batty (a little nod to my dad there <3 ). But for the most part, I am learning to be happy and lighthearted.
Sometimes I have to fake it. I'm in customer service and though the majority of our customers are friendly and personable, we still get the crazies and the complainers. I have learned it is crucial at this point to fake the smile and pretend anything they throw at you is no skin off your...nose. BUT, and this is a big but :), forcing myself to be kind to those who are not kind to me (or even making it a point to be in jovial spirit because who wants to be grumpy all the time) has made me a happier person.
I am not so easily bothered by a person's negative words or actions. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are/were having a bad day. Maybe they are dealing with a very sick relative. Maybe they hate their job. Generally, people are not rude for no reason. There are those that are just unhappy for whatever reason(s) and want everyone else to be miserable, too. It is important to learn, though, that most people are not set out to ruin your day or your life.
It's nice to be friendly, even to strangers. Smiling at someone as you walk by might brighten their day. Giving them a compliment could be just the uplift they needed. You may never know what a person is going through and why they appear so glum. If someone seems out of sorts, just flash a smile. Who would be off-put by a smile?
I am not always so carefree. I am a serious person; always have been. I tend to carry the world on my shoulders, my heart on my sleeve. I am emotional (not always such the negative cliché it is made out to be) and passionate. Sometimes I'm selfish. Sometimes...batty (a little nod to my dad there <3 ). But for the most part, I am learning to be happy and lighthearted.
Sometimes I have to fake it. I'm in customer service and though the majority of our customers are friendly and personable, we still get the crazies and the complainers. I have learned it is crucial at this point to fake the smile and pretend anything they throw at you is no skin off your...nose. BUT, and this is a big but :), forcing myself to be kind to those who are not kind to me (or even making it a point to be in jovial spirit because who wants to be grumpy all the time) has made me a happier person.
I am not so easily bothered by a person's negative words or actions. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they are/were having a bad day. Maybe they are dealing with a very sick relative. Maybe they hate their job. Generally, people are not rude for no reason. There are those that are just unhappy for whatever reason(s) and want everyone else to be miserable, too. It is important to learn, though, that most people are not set out to ruin your day or your life.
It's nice to be friendly, even to strangers. Smiling at someone as you walk by might brighten their day. Giving them a compliment could be just the uplift they needed. You may never know what a person is going through and why they appear so glum. If someone seems out of sorts, just flash a smile. Who would be off-put by a smile?
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Weight and See
I'm going to estimate that about 90% of Americans' New Year's resolutions have something to do with exercising or losing weight. Why not? - It's a new year and a new you, right? Every year I tell myself I need to shape up and get going again. I prefer long, vigorous walks outdoors as opposed to walking around a boring track indoors. I usually do pretty well until about June when the weather starts to get warmer. Neither Emma or I do very well in the heat. When I'm already hot why would I want to do something that will increase my core temperature? So the rest of the summer consists of night walks, which I enjoy (again if it's not too hot). But as the summer lingers my zest for outdoor fitness fades.
At that point I'm ready for autumn and the change of colors. Autumn walks are the best, in my opinion. The air is fresh and crisp from the night's rainfall. The leaves are bright and starting to fall. I like to hear the crunch of leaves under my walking shoes. The environment is starting to go into hibernation for the next six months. I will be the first to admit, though, that autumn in the Pacific Northwest doesn't always allow for many sunny days. But as long as the rain is not in a torrential downpour, Emma and I will be out and about enjoying a walk around our neighborhood. The variety of beautiful, old houses is a sight to see. I find myself imagining what it would be like to live in them. I suppose this is my way of taking my mind off of the pain I'm feeling walking up one of the North End's massive hills!
This year I am more determined than ever to reach my fitness goals. It's not about weight for me. Honestly. I just want to love the way I look and feel awesome inside and out. It's been too long since I've felt like that! Exercise can also help with depression and I've found that exercising helps decrease my fibromyalgia symptoms - well once I get used to exercising again, that is. A few years ago we had a membership at the YMCA. I'd like to do that again this year. I've always enjoyed weight training. The burning of muscles. Now that's success! It's easy to overdo it though, so I'll have to remember to be careful. Light weights, multiple reps. And during the hot summer months I find I can still be active by utilizing their very nice A/C and boring-but-better-than-sweating-to-death indoor track.
Yes, this year WILL be the year I get back into shape! There is no excuse. I'm almost 30 and my metabolism is not getting any faster! And now that I have shared my fitness goals with all of you in cyberspace I cannot fail!
At that point I'm ready for autumn and the change of colors. Autumn walks are the best, in my opinion. The air is fresh and crisp from the night's rainfall. The leaves are bright and starting to fall. I like to hear the crunch of leaves under my walking shoes. The environment is starting to go into hibernation for the next six months. I will be the first to admit, though, that autumn in the Pacific Northwest doesn't always allow for many sunny days. But as long as the rain is not in a torrential downpour, Emma and I will be out and about enjoying a walk around our neighborhood. The variety of beautiful, old houses is a sight to see. I find myself imagining what it would be like to live in them. I suppose this is my way of taking my mind off of the pain I'm feeling walking up one of the North End's massive hills!
This year I am more determined than ever to reach my fitness goals. It's not about weight for me. Honestly. I just want to love the way I look and feel awesome inside and out. It's been too long since I've felt like that! Exercise can also help with depression and I've found that exercising helps decrease my fibromyalgia symptoms - well once I get used to exercising again, that is. A few years ago we had a membership at the YMCA. I'd like to do that again this year. I've always enjoyed weight training. The burning of muscles. Now that's success! It's easy to overdo it though, so I'll have to remember to be careful. Light weights, multiple reps. And during the hot summer months I find I can still be active by utilizing their very nice A/C and boring-but-better-than-sweating-to-death indoor track.
Yes, this year WILL be the year I get back into shape! There is no excuse. I'm almost 30 and my metabolism is not getting any faster! And now that I have shared my fitness goals with all of you in cyberspace I cannot fail!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year's Solutions
I've always had the understanding that most people have themselves figured out. They know who they are, they know what they want from life and they know how to get it. Sometimes I feel like I missed the convention on "How to Get Through Life Happily and in One Piece". The longer I work in customer service, though, the more I start to think I'm not the only one.
Even in a short 27 years, life has taught me valuable lessons about myself and others. Your family, knowingly or not, helps shape who you will become...for better or worse. Friends teach you to love yourself. Strangers have the ability to show you how to act in public, and in some cases how NOT to act. Environmental factors such as home life, school, extracurricular activities, etc. also have a hand in helping you become you. It stupefies me to think of how many things, how many people factor in on the equation that equals me.
We all have things we don't like about ourselves. I'm not just talking appearances here. What I'm referring to is personality and self-esteem. For instance, I know that I can be...let's just say "bossy". I don't think I'm Queen of the World or anything. I just know that...sometimes...I can be a bit...bossy. My guess as to why I have this character trait is my fear of not being in control. I would also say that I'm at times moody. There are many factors that play into this trait: #1: I don't deal with stress well...sometimes at all, #2: Fear of failing, #3: Hunger, #4: I'm tired, and #5: I'm a Scorpio who happens to be of Irish ancestry. Okay, so the first two are obviously serious, but if you know me at all you know that all five play a part. I'm also stubborn, but that bothers you more than it bothers me ;)
The two aforementioned traits are things about myself I am willing to change because it will make me a happier person. I must learn to let others have control sometimes and I must learn to talk about my feelings instead of burying them. This is one of my New Year's "Solutions" (Solutions to a happy life). It will probably take longer than I anticipate. No one is perfect.
I feel though that this is my life. No matter the past, I owe it to myself to break cycles and find happiness in whatever it is that I do. You can only live life for yourself.
"Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it." - Brian Tracy
Even in a short 27 years, life has taught me valuable lessons about myself and others. Your family, knowingly or not, helps shape who you will become...for better or worse. Friends teach you to love yourself. Strangers have the ability to show you how to act in public, and in some cases how NOT to act. Environmental factors such as home life, school, extracurricular activities, etc. also have a hand in helping you become you. It stupefies me to think of how many things, how many people factor in on the equation that equals me.
We all have things we don't like about ourselves. I'm not just talking appearances here. What I'm referring to is personality and self-esteem. For instance, I know that I can be...let's just say "bossy". I don't think I'm Queen of the World or anything. I just know that...sometimes...I can be a bit...bossy. My guess as to why I have this character trait is my fear of not being in control. I would also say that I'm at times moody. There are many factors that play into this trait: #1: I don't deal with stress well...sometimes at all, #2: Fear of failing, #3: Hunger, #4: I'm tired, and #5: I'm a Scorpio who happens to be of Irish ancestry. Okay, so the first two are obviously serious, but if you know me at all you know that all five play a part. I'm also stubborn, but that bothers you more than it bothers me ;)
The two aforementioned traits are things about myself I am willing to change because it will make me a happier person. I must learn to let others have control sometimes and I must learn to talk about my feelings instead of burying them. This is one of my New Year's "Solutions" (Solutions to a happy life). It will probably take longer than I anticipate. No one is perfect.
I feel though that this is my life. No matter the past, I owe it to myself to break cycles and find happiness in whatever it is that I do. You can only live life for yourself.
"Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it." - Brian Tracy
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